At some point, many of us ask a deceptively simple question…Do I like this person as more than a friend?

The feeling can be thrilling, confusing, or both. Should I even mention scary?

But as we discussed here recently, there is somewhat of a scientific way to explain romantic attraction, yet at the same time it can still be entirely personal and subjective.

Let’s discuss further.

When Liking Turns Romantic

Is There a Universal Feeling?

There isn’t one single emotion that defines romantic liking, which I think makes this topic really interesting.

Instead, it’s a pattern of emotions and responses that show up together.

Across cultures, people report similar signs: heightened attention toward one person, emotional warmth, nervous excitement, and a strong desire for closeness.

That common thread hints at a shared human experience, even though how it’s interpreted can be felt differently.

The Science Behind Romantic Attraction

From a biological perspective, romantic attraction involves a few key brain systems:

• Dopamine, linked to motivation and reward, increases when we think about or interact with someone we’re attracted to. This can feel like excitement, focus, or even obsession.
• Norepinephrine heightens alertness, which explains the racing heart and butterflies.
• Oxytocin and vasopressin, associated with bonding and trust, become more apparent as connections deepen.

These neurotransmitters and hormones help form a broader system that includes attraction and attachment. Attraction pulls us toward someone, while attachment helps us stay.

Is It Just Happiness or Something Else?

We can say that romantic liking overlaps with joy and happiness, but it’s not the same.

Happiness is usually calm and content. Romantic attraction often includes exhilaration plus uncertainty. It’s emotionally activating. We might feel energized, distracted, or unusually sensitive to that person’s reactions.

So while joy is part of it, romantic attraction has a sharper edge which includes more intensity, more focus, and more emotional risk. Did we mention obsession yet?

Are There Levels Before Love?

My research showed yes, and psychology supports this idea. One useful source is Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, which includes three components:

Liking: emotional closeness and familiarity

Passion: attraction and excitement

Commitment: the decision to maintain a bond

Early romantic interest often starts as liking with sparks of passion. But romantic love, as we think of it, isn’t a sudden switch, it’s a combination that builds as these elements overlap and strengthen.

The Tipping Point: When Does “Like” Become Love?

There’s no universal threshold, but people often describe a shift when:

• The person becomes more emotionally significant to you
• You imagine them in your future
• You feel a sense of security alongside excitement

Neurologically, this may reflect a transition from dopamine-heavy attraction to increased oxytocin-based bonding. Emotionally it feels less like a rush, and more like a choosing or simply a feeling.

Is Love Measurable or Entirely Subjective?

Scientists can measure brain activity, hormone levels, and behavioural patterns, but the meaning of love is subjective. For example two people can experience similar biological responses and still interpret them differently based on personality, culture, and past experiences.

In other words, the signals are measurable, but the experience is personal.

So How Do We Know?

We know we like someone romantically when our attention, emotions, and motivation consistently pull us toward them in a way that feels different from friendship. Science can explain the mechanisms, but only we can interpret the feeling.

Final Thoughts

Romantic liking isn’t just happiness.

Although it’s a universal experience, I think one can only really describe it after going through it.

And if you’ve gone through it more than once, you may get that sneaking suspicion that it’s never actually the same feeling twice.

Let me know what you think below, and thanks for reading!

Why Do We Fall Out Of Love?

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