At some point, most of us have found ourselves caught between two pieces of advice that seem to contradict each other.
“Try harder! Nothing worth having comes easy.”
And then, from another trusted source: “Relax. What’s meant for you will find you.”
So…should we be rolling up our sleeves or putting our feet up?
Whether it’s love, career goals, personal growth, or just when we’re trying to get our lives together, we’re often torn between pushing forward and stepping back. One side tells us that success requires determination, while the other insists that forcing things only creates more frustration.
So, do we chase it or let it come to us?
Let’s discuss.
Try Harder, or Let Go?
The truth is, both approaches have merit. The trick is knowing when to reach for the steering wheel and when to stop trying to control every turn in the road.
The Case for Trying Harder
There’s something empowering about making a conscious effort to improve our circumstances. We set goals, take action, learn from mistakes, and keep going when things get tough.
The benefits: Trying harder builds resilience, confidence, and skills. It reminds us that we have some influence over our lives rather than simply waiting for things to happen. Relationships improve when we communicate, careers progress when we develop our abilities, and dreams become more realistic when we give them consistent attention.
Effort also helps us distinguish between what we genuinely want and what we merely like the idea of having. Often, the breakthrough even comes just after the point where we’re tempted to quit.
The downside: Trying harder can become trying too hard. We can exhaust ourselves chasing a goal that no longer serves us. We might be pursuing someone who isn’t reciprocating, or believing that if we just do a little more, we can finally control an outcome that was never entirely ours to control.
Hard work is valuable, but it isn’t a guarantee of anything. Not everything can be achieved through sheer determination.
The Case for Letting Go
Then there’s the art of loosening our grip a little.
Letting go doesn’t necessarily mean giving up. Sometimes it means just accepting that we can’t control other people, dictate every outcome, or force life to follow our own timeline.
The benefits: Letting go can bring relief, perspective, and emotional freedom. It allows us to stop pouring energy into situations that continually drain us and make room for unexpected opportunities.
In relationships, it might mean allowing someone to show us who they are rather than trying to convince them to become who we want them to be. In our careers, it might mean letting go of a particular dream to discover another that suits us better.
There’s also something liberating about realizing that not every unanswered question needs an immediate answer.
The downside: Letting go can become a form of avoidance.
We might call it “trusting the process” when we’re actually afraid of rejection. We might say we’re “going with the flow” when we’re reluctant to make a difficult decision. And we might wait for the universe to deliver our dreams while ignoring the perfectly good opportunities sitting right in front of us. These all sound a little too familiar to me.
Sometimes, things don’t come to us because we haven’t taken a single step towards them.
Acceptance is healthy. Passivity dressed up as spirituality? Not so much.
So, Which Is It: Try Harder or Let Go?
Maybe the better question is: What is this situation asking of us?
If we’re working towards something meaningful, making progress, and learning along the way, trying harder may be exactly what’s needed. A difficult season of our lives doesn’t automatically mean we’re on the wrong path. Sometimes growth can feel really uncomfortable.
But if we’ve been pushing relentlessly against the same closed door, with little progress and a growing sense of exhaustion, it could be time to reconsider our approach.
A good rule of thumb is this to use a more stoic approach: Put effort into what you can influence, and practice acceptance around what you can’t control.
We can work on becoming a better partner, but we can’t make someone love us. We can prepare thoroughly for an opportunity, but we can’t guarantee the outcome.
We can create the conditions for a fulfilling life, but we can’t schedule in every beautiful surprise.
Final Thoughts
We started by looking at this as an either-or decision when it’s really a balancing act.
Try harder when something matters, when your actions make a difference, and when the challenge is helping you grow. Let go when you’re trying to control the uncontrollable, abandoning yourself in the process, or clinging to something simply because you’ve already invested so much in it.
Life requires both courage and acceptance: the courage to take action and the acceptance to recognize when action is no longer the answer.
Sometimes, the answer is to try harder. Sometimes, it’s to let go. And sometimes, it’s to take a deep breath, and realize that the wisest thing we can do is maybe a little of both.
What are your thoughts? Thanks for reading!
Visit Happy Hub on Pinterest.
Please visit and follow Happy Hub’s Instagram page.
Check out the Happy Hub YouTube Channel.
Please visit the Happy Hub Etsy Shop.
